Be a Curmudgeon

cur-mud-geon:

David Brower: All technology should be assumed guilty until proven innocent.
Oscar Lavant: Happiness is not somethig you experience, it's something you remember.
T. S. Eliot: Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.
Nietzsche: Conventions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
B. F. Skinner: The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
Hyman Rickover: If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the bureaucracy won't.
H. L. Mencken: Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Ayn Rand: Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive.
Socrates: Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.
Lenny Bruce: In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.
Mark Twain: The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy -- give one and take ten.
Oscar Wilde: Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be absolutely deaf.
Mark Twain: If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
George Bernard Shaw: The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.
Gerald Brenan: Intellectuals are people who believe that ideas are of more importance than values. That is to say, their own ideas and other people's values.
George Bernard Shaw: If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment, other people's opinions will rush in from all quarters.
Alexander Smith: A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.
Lily Tomlin: If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Clarence Darrow: The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
George Bernard Shaw: Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw: A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
Anatole France: A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance.
Woody Allen: Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
Redd Foxx: Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
H. L. Menken: Self-respect: the secure feeling that not one, as yet, is suspicious.
Heinrich Heine: There are more fools in the world than there are people.
Jimmy Durante: I hate music, especially when it is played.
H. L. Menken: Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in their readiness to doubt.
Nathaniel Branden: A woman in love will do almost anything for a man, except give up the desire to improve him.
Calvin Trillin: Health food makes me sick.
Carrie Fisher: You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.
Nancy Mitford: I love children, espcially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Robert Frost: A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
Alice Kahn: For a list of al the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.
Peter F. Drucker: In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from.
Gore Vidal: It is not enough to seucceed; others must fail.
Johnny Carson: If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the beige can of leftover Span.
Ambrose Bierce: Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
Gore Vidal: Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.
Ambrose Bierce: I think I think; therefore, I think I am.
H. L. Menken: In this world fo sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice I am not a Republican.
Chauncey Depew: I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.
Peter De Vries: The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.
Robert M. Hutchins: When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away.
Lewis Grizzard: Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
Samuel Johnson: I hate minkind, for I think myself on of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.
Jonathan Swift: Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
Geroge Bernard Shaw: If a great man could make us understand him, we should hang him.
Rita Rudner: I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
H. L. Menken: The objection to Puritans is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think.
W. Somerset Maugham: It was sucha lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.
George Bernard Shaw: Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.
Charles Baudelaire: Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing onself.
Will Rogers: There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on senators.
Richard P. Adler: All television is children's television.
George Bernard Shaw: It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Fred Allen: You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
James Branch Cabell: The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true.
George Bernard Shaw: The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
Tom Stoppard: Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth: If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.
H. L. Menken: Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Charlotte Whitton: Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.
Karl Kraus: The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they believe they are as clever as he.
Evelyn Waugh: The prospect of Christmas appalls me.
George Jean Nathan: What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.
H. L. Mencken: There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness.
Ovid: There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
Bertrand Russell: Comntempt for happiness is usually contempt for other people's happiness, and is an elegant disguise for hatred of the human race.
Thomas B. Macaulay: The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.