"! Creative commons licensed, 1990-2007, by Adam Rifkin Ink.  All lefts reserved.  No fair taking this line out, as I know many leeches, er, lawyers.  See: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/",
"! By the way, some of these are disgusting, so read at your own risk.",
"! Send offerings, additions, and changes to ifindkarma .at. gmail .dot. com...",
"Intertwingularity is not generally acknowledged; people keep pretending they can make things deeply hierarchical, categorizable and sequential when they can't. Everything is deeply intertwingled.  -- Ted Nelson",
"There is not One Way to Greatness.  Greatness is The Way.  -- Jay Mohr to Dat Phan",
"The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.  -- Zen proverb",
"The past is never dead.  It's not even past.  -- William Faulkner",
"Use strategy to avoid tragedy.  -- Rohit Khare",
"Shit tastes better when wrapped in dollar bills.  -- Rohit Khare, 8/15/2003",
"Give the bad news all at once, and the good news little by little.  -- Machiavelli",
"It's too bad we're nowhere near as good at selling as we are at hyping.  -- Adam Rifkin",
"Life is not about answering the questions.  It's about questioning the answers.  -- Adam Rifkin",
"Planning is everything.  Plans are nothing.  -- Eisenhower",
"I believe people who lead charmed lives follow four basic principles: they act upon opportunities, pay attention to gut feelings, expect good fortune, and when bad fortune does strike, turn it into good... The more relaxed you are, the more open you are to chances to turn bad into good... The best place to relax is at home.  -- Richard Wiseman, PhD, University of Hertfordshire",
"The exhilarating tension between being and becoming.  -- Dana Carvey",
"You are what you do.  -- Bill Maher",
"What's so hard about saying I DON'T KNOW?  Of course there are questions that plague all of us.  How did we get here?  What happens when we die?  Is there a heaven?  Am I on the list?  Who let the dogs out?  -- Bill Maher",
"The values of western civilization are better...  Rule of law is better than theocracy and autocracy.  Equality of the sexes, better.  Protection of minorities, better.  Free speech, better.  Free elections, better.   Free appliances with a large purchase, better.  -- Bill Maher", 
"Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.  -- Bill Maher",
"I don't have to do a Stop-and-Chat with him.  -- Larry David",
"I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt until they drive me out of my mind and then I try to stab them.  -- Rosanne Barr",
"I'm the star.  You people are the lackeys and the drones.  Have I made myself clear?  -- Rosanne Barr",
"Excuse me while I fire someone.  -- Rosanne Barr",
"No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.  -- Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 12",
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.  -- Jimi Hendrix",
"I'm telling you, fellas: I gotta have more cowbell!  -- Christopher Walken",
"Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.",
"I pray for WISDOM to understand my man, LOVE to forgive him, and PATIENCE to deal with his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for STRENGTH I'll beat him to death. Amen.",
"What is common sense is not always common practice.",
"Sow a thought, reap an action.  Sow an action, reap a habit.  Sow a habit, reap a character.  Sow a character, reap a destiny.",
"For a thousand hackings at the branches of evil, it is worth nothing to one strike at the root.  -- Henry David Thoreau, 1854",
"Without evil there can be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes.  -- South Park",
"Time is the coin of your life.  Only you can decide how to spend it, lest you let others spend it for you.  - Carl Sandburg",
"Anger is more useful than despair.  -- Terminator 3",
"No fate but what we make.  -- Terminator 3",
"We need a new vehicle.  -- Terminator 3",
"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested. Now close your eyes and repeat out loud 5 times, 'I am so glad I do not work for Quality Control at the Johnson and Johnson Company.'",
"At night my body's kind of like an orchestra.  -- Drew Carey",
"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now.  -- Steve Martin, The Jerk",
"Girl you must be Jamaican, because jamaican me crazy...  -- Weird Al Yankovic",
"1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.  2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.  3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.  4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.  5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.  6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.  CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.",
"Impotence, n.:  Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings.'",
"The proctologist called... they found your head.",
"Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.",
"Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.",
"I used to have a handle on life... but it broke off.",
"WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.",
"Guys... just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.",
"Some people just don't know how to drive... I call these people 'Everybody But Me.'",
"Heart Attacks are God's revenge for eating His animal friends.",
"Don't like my driving?  Then quit watching me.",
"If you can read this... I can slam on my brakes and sue you.",
"Hang up and drive!!",
"Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.",
"Marriage changes passion.  Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.",
"I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.  So I said 'Implants?'  She hit me.",
"I don't do drugs.  I get the same effect just standing up fast.",
"I live in my own little world.  But it's OK.  They know me here.",
"I got a sweater for Christmas.  I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.",
"How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?",
"Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.",
"If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.",
"Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.",
"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.",
"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.",
"It is easier to get forgiven than permission.",
"If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.",
"Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks."
"Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.",
"Men are from earth.  Women are from earth.  Deal with it!",
"No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.",
"Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.",
"Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.",
"Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.",
"It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.",
"What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?  Snowballs!",
"Coffee, n.:  A person who is coughed upon.",
"Flabbergasted, adj.:  Appalled over how much weight you have gained.",
"Abdicate, v.:  To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.",
"Esplanade, v.:  To attempt an explanation while drunk.",
"Willy-nilly, adj.:  Impotent.",
"Negligent, adj.:  Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.",
"Lymph, v.:  To walk with a lisp.",
"Gargoyle, n.:  An olive-flavored mouthwash.",
"Flatulence, n.:  The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.",
"Balderdash, n.:  A rapidly receding hairline.",
"Testicle, n.:  A humorous question on an exam.",
"Rectitude, n.:  The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.",
"Oyster, n.:  A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.",
"Circumvent, n.:  The opening in the front of boxer shorts.",
"Pokemon, n.:  A Jamaican proctologist.",
"Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.",
"When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.",
"Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.",
"When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.",
"Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.",
"Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.",
"Acupuncture is a jab well done.",
"Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.",
"Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you a-flat minor.",
"When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.",
"The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.",
"A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.",
"You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.",
"Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.",
"He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.",
"Every calendar's days are numbered.",
"A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.",
"A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.",
"A plateau is a high form of flattery.",
"With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.",
"A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.",
"She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.",
"A backward poet writes inverse.",
"Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?",
"Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?",
"If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?",
"Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?",
"Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?",
"If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?",
"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?",
"If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?",
"Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?",
"Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?",
"Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?",
"Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?",
"How hungry was the first person who opened an oyster and STILL ate it?",
"How can a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living?",
"Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.",
"If you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.",
"The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.",
"If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.",
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.",
"I wish the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.",
"Back up my hard drive?  How do I put it in reverse?",
"I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.",
"Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt...",
"If the United States government had tried to come up with a scheme to spread its brand of capitalism and its emphasis on political liberalism around the world, it couldn't have invented a better model than the Internet.  -- Don Heath, president of the Internet Society",
"We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us.  -- Magnolia",
"I am here to enlighten you.  -- Magnolia",
"I have a lot of love to give, I just don't have a place to put it.  -- Magnolia",
"It's not going to stop till you Wise up. -- Aimee Mann, Wise Up",
"He who would do good to another must do it in Minute Particulars.  General Good is the plea of the scoundrel, hypocrite, and flatterer; For Art and Science cannot exist but in minutely organized particulars.  -- William Blake",
"Nothing beside remains. Round the decay / of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare / The lone and level sands stretch far away.  -- Percy Bysshe Shelley, \"Ozymandias\"",
"An important scientific innovation rarely makes its way by gradually winning over and converting its opponents: it rarely happens that Saul becomes Paul. What does happen is that its opponents gradually die out and that the growing generation is familiarized with the idea from the beginning.  -- Max Plank",
"A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.",
"A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.",
"A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.",
"A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.",
"A jiffy is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.",
"A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.",
"Almonds are a member of the peach family.",
"An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.",
"Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.",
"Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.",
"Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.",
"February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.",
"In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.",
"If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.",
"If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.",
"It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.",
"Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.",
"Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.",
"On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.",
"Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing."
"Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.",
"The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.",
"In the Garden of Eden, Eve offered Adam fruit of the tree of knowledge; it does not say it was an apple.",
"The words racecar, kayak, and level are palindromes.",
"There are only four words in the English language which end in dous: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.",
"There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: abstemious and facetious.",
"Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.",
"Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.",
"Women blink nearly twice as much as men.",
"Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself.",
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.",
"PC Rules: She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.",
"PC Rules: She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.",
"PC Rules: She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.",
"PC Rules: She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.",
"PC Rules: She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.",
"PC Rules: She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.",
"PC Rules: She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.",
"PC Rules: She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.",
"PC Rules: She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.",
"PC Rules: She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.",
"PC Rules: She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.",
"PC Rules: She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.",
"On a Septic Tank Truck sign: We're #1 in the #2 business.",
"Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: Dr. Jones, at your cervix.",
"At a Proctologist's door: To expedite your visit please back in.",
"On a Plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.",
"On a Plumber's truck: Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.",
"Pizza Shop Slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.",
"At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.",
"On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: Hello. Can we pick your nose?",
"At a Towing company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.",
"On an Electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.",
"In a Nonsmoking Area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.",
"On a Maternity Room door: Push. Push. Push.",
"At an Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.",
"On a Taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.",
"In a Podiatrist's office: Time wounds all heels.",
"On a Fence: Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.",
"At a Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.",
"Outside a Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.",
"In a Veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!",
"At the Electric Company: We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be.",
"In a Restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.",
"In the front yard of a Funeral Home: Drive carefully. We'll wait.",
"At a Propane Filling Station: Tank heaven for little grills.",
"Sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop: Best place in town to take a leak.",
"Intaxication, n.:  Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.",
"Reintarnation, n.:  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.",
"Foreploy, n.:  Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.",
"Giraffiti, n.:  Vandalism painted very, very high.",
"Sarchasm, n.:  The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.",
"Inoculatte, v.:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.",
"Hipatitis, n.:  Terminal coolness.",
"Osteopornosis, n.:  A degenerate disease.",
"Karmageddon, n.: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.",
"Glibido, n.:  All talk and no action.",
"Dopeer Effect, n.:  The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.",
"Ignoranus, n.:  A person who's both stupid and an asshole.",
"How long did the Hundred Years War last?  116 years.",
"Which country makes Panama hats?  Ecuador.",
"From which animal do we get cat gut?  Sheep and Horses.",
"In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?  November.",
"What is a camel's hair brush made of?  Squirrel fur.",
"The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?  Dogs.",
"What was King George VI's first name?  Albert.",
"What color is a purple finch?  Crimson.",
"Where are Chinese gooseberries from?  New Zealand.",
"What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?  Orange, of course.",
"Headline: Include Your Children When Baking Cookies",
"Headline: Something Went Wrong in the Jet Crash, Experts Say",
"Headline: Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers",
"Headline: Safety Experts say School Bus Passengers Should be Belted",
"Headline: Iraqi Head Seeks Arms",
"Headline: Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?",
"Headline: British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands",
"Headline: Eye Drops Off Shelf",
"Headline: Teacher Strikes Idle Kids",
"Headline: Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead",
"Headline: Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told",
"Headline: Miners Refuse to Work after Death",
"Headline: Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant",
"Headline: Stolen Painting Found by Tree",
"Headline: Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter",
"Headline: Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years",
"Headline: War Dims Hope for Peace",
"Headline: If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It may Last A While",
"Headline: Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures",
"Headline: Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide",
"Headline: Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges",
"Headline: Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead",
"Headline: Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge",
"Headline: New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group",
"Headline: Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft",
"Headline: Kids Make Nutritious Snacks",
"Headline: Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy",
"Headline: Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire",
"My lifestyle determines my deathstyle.  -- Metallica",
"OLD IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, \"Let's go upstairs and make love,\" and you answer, \"Pick one, I can't do both!\"",
"OLD IS WHEN.....You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.",
"OLD IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.",
"OLD IS WHEN..... \"Getting a little action\" means I don't need fiber today.",
"OLD IS WHEN..... \"Getting lucky\" means you find your car in the parking lot.",
"OLD IS WHEN..... An \"all-nighter\" means not getting up to pee!",
"Man driving down road.  Woman driving up same road.  They pass each other.  Woman yells out window, 'P I G !'  Man yells out window, 'B I T C H !'  Man rounds next curve and crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.  Thought For The Day: If only men would listen.",
"The Web is about empowering the individual.  -- David Wetherell",
"Violence is the first refuge of the violent.  -- Aaron Allston",
"That's the way the world is everyday.  -- The Green Mile",
"I think this boy's cheese slid off his cracker.  -- The Green Mile",
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.  -- Frank Zappa",
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  -- Ernest Hemmingway",
"The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck.  -- Warwick Franks",
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.  -- Winston Churchill",
"God made pot.  Man made beer.  Who do you trust?  -- Restroom in The Irish Times, Washington DC",
"He was a wise man who invented beer.  -- Plato",
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.  -- Catherine Zandonella",
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.  -- W.C. Fields",
"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.  -- David Daye",
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  -- Henny Youngman",
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.  -- Benjamin Franklin",
"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.  -- Deep Thought, Jack Handy",
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.  -- Humphrey Bogart",
"Why is American beer served cold?  So you can tell it from urine.  -- David Moulton",
"People who drink light \"beer\" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot.  -- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI",
"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.  -- Kaiser Welhelm",
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.  -- Homer Simpson",
"Not all chemicals are bad.  Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.  -- Dave Barry",
"I drink to make other people interesting.  -- George Jean Nathan",
"They who drink beer will think beer.  -- Washington Irving",
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.  -- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway",
"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.  -- Homer Simpson",
"What inspires me is a spontaneous method of irrational knowledge founded on the critical interpretive association of the delirious phenomena.  -- Salvador Dali",
"Plagues and famine and pestilence always get me down.  I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around.  -- Weird Al Yankovic, Generic Blues",
"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.  -- Marvin, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy",
"Until my company turns a profit, no one else turns one either, capisci?  -- Jeff Bezos to Tommy Motola, in The Standard",
"There's a term in business school now: doing a 'Google'.  That means raising a lot of money without having a clear business model.  -- Sergey Brin, Google cofounder",
"We'll all be able to live for three or four hundred web years, which is very exciting.  -- Tim Berners-Lee",
"When you have a computer and good web access, who needs television?  -- Tim Berners-Lee",
"In order to get from A to B, you have to find a downhill path, where each step is downhill for whoever is going to take it.  -- Tim Berners-Lee",
"If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.  -- David Campbell",
"There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.  -- Albert Einstein",
"There is in man an upwelling spring of life, energy, love, whatever you like to call it.  If a course is not cut for it, it turns the ground round it into a swamp.  -- Mark Rutehrford",
"There is no end.  There is no beginning.  There is only the infinite passion of life.  -- Federico Fellini",
"The purpose of life is a life of purpose.  -- Robert Byrne",
"Manifest plainness, Embrace simplicity, Reduce selfishness, Have few desires.  -- Lao-Tzu",
"Keep your eyes on the stars, keep your feet on the ground.  -- Theodore Roosevelt",
"Let me tell you a story about right and wrong.  The left hand and the right hand.  The left hand is hate.  The right hand is love.  -- Do the Right Thing",
"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.  -- Plato",
"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.  -- Walt Whitman",
"When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction.  -- Ginger Rogers",
"ABCD = American Born Confused Desi... But How about an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ... American Born Confused Desi, Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey, Keeping Lotsa Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success Through Underhanded Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful.",
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.",
"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.",
"The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it.",
"Society acquires new arts, and loses old instincts.",
"There are always two parties; the establishment and the movement.",
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.",
"Life is like a vending machine; sometimes it's dirty, sometimes it's clean.  You put something in and you get something out, and that's what life is all about.  -- Hochizen",
"I mean, after all; you have to consider we're only made out of dust.  That's admittedly not much to go on and we shouldn't forget that.  But even considering, I mean it's a sort of bad beginning, we're not doing too bad.  So I personally have faith that even in this lousy situation we're faced with we can make it.  You get me?  -- Leo Bulero, in _The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch_ by Phililp K. Dick",
"We're all really just life support systems for our penises.",
"Got my mojo workin' overtime baby, yeah!  -- Austin Powers",
"Politics, n.:  From POLY, meaning many, and TICKS, meaning bloodsucking parasites.",
"\"Are you playing with yourself in there?\"  \"No, I was just cleaning it and it went off.\"  -- Bruce McCulloch",
"Am I sexually active?  No, I just lay there.",
"Man Rule #1: Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.",
"Man Rule #1: Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.",
"Man Rule #1: Crying is blackmail.",
"Man Rule #1: Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!",
"Man Rule #1: Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.",
"Man Rule #1: Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.",
"Man Rule #1: A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.",
"Man Rule #1: Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.",
"Man Rule #1: If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.",
"Man Rule #1: If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.",
"Man Rule #1: You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.",
"Man Rule #1: Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.",
"Man Rule #1: Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.",
"Man Rule #1: ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.",
"Man Rule #1: If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.",
"Man Rule #1: If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.",
"Man Rule #1: If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.",
"Man Rule #1: When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.",
"Man Rule #1: Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.",
"Man Rule #1: You have enough clothes.",
"Man Rule #1: You have too many shoes.",
"Man Rule #1: I am in shape. Round is a shape.",
"Man Rule #1: Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.",
"Wedding plans take care of themselves.",
"Chocolate is just another snack.",
"The world is your urinal.",
"Wrinkles add character.",
"Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.",
"The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.",
"When you're a guy, new shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.",
"When you're a guy, One mood, ALL the time.",
"A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.",
"You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.",
"Underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.",
"Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.",
"You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.",
"Your belly usually hides your big hips.",
"One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.",
"You can hide anything you don't like about your face from the nose down with a good beard.  This hides a double chin real well too.",
"You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.",
"Hello, it's me.  I'm not at home.  If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone.  -- Sheryl Crow",
"It's hard to find a good man.  All the sensitive ones get eaten.  -- Ice Age",
"Is there anybody I haven't offended?  -- Mort Sahl",
"I don't know anybody here but the hostess -- and, of course, in a deeper sense, myself.  -- a woman to a man at a party in a 1991 New Yorker cartoon",
"Information is the currency of democracy.  -- Thomas Jefferson",
"A technology of freedom aims at pluralism of expression rather than a dissemination of preferred ideas.  -- Ithiel de Sola Pool",
"Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one.  -- A.J. Liebling",
"If consultants had been hired to evaluate the market for printing a decade or two after its invention, they would have concluded that the new technology was vastly overrated. Scribes were already producing the important books efficiently, and the new printers produced mainly the same old texts, such as the Bible, which were readily available to the tiny minority who were literate.  -- Ithiel de Sola Pool",
"Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.  -- William Butler Yeats",
"Miller recently introduced a clear beer that looks like mineral water in a beer bottle and is said to taste not unlike it.  -- Economist, 1993-05-29",
"The West won't contain communism, it will transcend communism. It won't bother to denounce it, it will dismiss it as some bizarre chapter in human history whose last pages are even now being written.  -- Ronald Reagan, 1982",
"If you're afraid of criticism, don't say anything, don't do anything, and don't be anything.  -- Marian Wright Edelman",
"When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl!  -- John Perry Barlow",
"If you're a winner, you don't go to the government. You're too busy. You have too many customers. It's the people with no customers who end up besieging the government.... The dog technologies run to Washington, decked out like poodles. The politician is always the dog's best friend.  -- George Gilder",
"I really just walked into my kitchen and said to myself, FLYING TOASTERS, and went back to the office and coded it.  -- Jack Eastman, formerly a scientist in high-energy physics, who is now in charge of a group of 15 programmers at Berkeley Systems",
"Well, you know when you're sitting in a chair and then you lean back so you're just on two legs and then you lean too far and you almost fall over but just at the last second you catch yourself.  I feel like that all the time.  -- Steven Wright",
"...In that Empire, the craft of Cartography attained such Perfection that the Map of a Single province covered the space of an entire City, and the Map of the Empire itself an entire Province. In the course of Time, these Extensive maps were found somehow wanting, and so the College of Cartographers evolved a Map of the Empire that was of the same Scale as the Empire and that coincided with it point for point.  -- From Travels of Praiseworthy Men (1658) by J.A. Suarez Miranda in Jorge Luis Borges's _Of Exactitude in Science_, A Universal History of Infamy (1972)",
"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man actually in the arena; whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself on a worthy cause, who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, and so his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.  -- Theodore Roosevelt, speaking at the dedication of the Panama Canal",
"If the United States government had tried to come up with a scheme to spread its brand of capitalism and its emphasis on political liberalism around the world, it couldn't have invented a better model than the Internet.  -- Don Heath, president of the Internet Society",
"Nea onnim no sua a ohu. (He who does not know can know from learning.)  -- Akan Proverb",
"What is the difference between exploring and being lost?  The journey is the destination.  -- Dan Eldon, as written in his posthumously published journal",
"When I have a vision for my life, money is then a tool to make the vision a reality. If I have no vision for my life, then money is in fact the only way I can gauge my worth.  -- The Reverend Dan Matthews",
"I hate writing; I love having written.  -- Dorothy Parker",
"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.  -- Thomas Jefferson",
"Only the dead have seen the end of war.  -- Plato",
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.  -- Henry David Thoreau",
"The TV business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.  -- Hunter S. Thompson",
"Doveriai no proveriai. (Trust but verify.)  -- Russian proverb, as quoted by Reagan",
"Of course, one way of thinking about all of life and civilization is as being about how the world registers and processes information. Certainly that's what sex is about; that's what history is about.  -- Seth Lloyd",
"In War: Resolution; In Defeat: Defiance; In Victory: Magnanimity; In Peace: Good Will.  -- Winston Churchill",
"As the British Constitution is the most subtle organism which has proceeded from the womb and long gestation of progressive history, so the American Constitution is, so far as I can see, the most wonderful work ever struck off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.  -- W.E. Gladstone",
"My favorite time of day is the moment just before I fall asleep.  -- Adam Rifkin",
"Under the right conditions, the problems of commitment, alignment, motivation, and change largely melt away.  -- Jim Collins, Good to Great",
"Greatness is largely a matter of conscious choice.  Few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life.  -- Jim Collins, Good to Great",
"In the fractal theory of management, there are only three kinds of errors: Errors of omission and errors of commission.  -- Rohit Khare",
"Be the Mac.  Run the renegade ship under the umbrella of the same organization.  Hoist the pirate flag, in the name of greatness.  -- Rohit Khare to Alexander Blakely, 1/5/2002",
"Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?  Answer: Princess Diana's death. An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driyen by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines!  And this is sent to you by a Canadian, using Bill Gates' technology and you are probably reading this on one of the IBM clones that use Taiwanese-made chips, and Korean-made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi workers, in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries, driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoreman, trucked by Mexican illegal aliens, and finally sold to you.  That, my friend, is Globalization!",
"The line between self-loathing and too-good-for-Lewis is paper thin.  -- Drew Carey Show",
"Where have you been?  You smell like garbage and gunpowder.  -- Drew Carey Show",
"When he's awake he's gotta deal with that big sad pizza licking toilet killer over there.  -- Drew Carey Show",
"But cats are cuter than turtles!  -- Michelle Rifkin on why Sleepycat is a better company name than BottomTurtle",
"What we do in life echoes in eternity.  -- Maximus Decimus Meridius, Gladiator",
"No, *I'm* a positive person.  You are like Santa Claus... on Prozac... at Disneyland... getting laid.  -- Friends",
"Dogs have owners, cats have staff.",
"A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or else what's Heaven for?  -- Robert Browning",
"People seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication.  -- Niklaus Wirth",
"How do you generate trust? Not by saying, 'I'm trustworthy,' but by revealing information.  -- Esther Dyson",
"Since I've bitched about every other machine, let me also take this opportunity to mention that the stylish Macintosh G3 Cube I use at work goes to sleep and reboots itself at seemingly random intervals throughout the day. Did I mention how much I hate computers?  -- Joyce Park",
"It feels very quiet here right now. Nobody here but those who have nowhere to go back to.  -- Joyce Park",
"Happy people do not keep diaries.  -- Joyce Park",
"As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.  -- Texas saying",
"Opportunities multiply as they are seized.  -- Sun Tzu", 
"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.  -- Joseph Joubert, 1754-1824, In Search of Schrodinger's Cat",
"Post-9/11 America is not interested anymore in law and order, just order, and it's not interested in peace and quiet, but just quiet.  -- Thomas Friedman, NYT 8/4/02",
"Do what I please gonna spread the disease because I wanna / Gonna call all the shots for the no's and the not's.  -- the Hives, Hate to Say I Told You So",
"Unter lieben lauten Blumen.  Under dear loud flowers.  -- Def Leppard",
"When you're done with the lemon, throw away the rind.  -- Rohit Khare",
"Everything has a limited lifespan.  You have to be willing to accept casualties when you fight a war.  Need to learn to get over guilt when you're a warrior.  Otherwise you'll be just a worrier.  -- Adam Rifkin",
"Business is about accepting Type 1 (false-positive) errors; Dating is about accepting Type 2 (false-negative).  -- Rohit Khare",
"You get 75 years if you're lucky.  That's 75 winters, 75 springs, 75 summers, and 75 autumns.  If you're lucky.  -- Holy Man",